It usually comes from a mental representation that eroticizes us / freepik
Normally, sexuality is seen as something that happens in the body, says sexologist López, but the first spark occurs much earlier: in the brain. There, in this secret laboratory where memories, intuitions, half-watched films and fleeting desires mingle, sexual fantasies emerge. You don’t need real settings or identifiable protagonists.
The specialist puts it in a nutshell: A fantasy is a mental representation that eroticizes us. An erotic act in itself. You don’t need physical contact or friction – as pioneer Helen Kaplan said – for something to happen. Sometimes the imagination is stronger than any movement.
Fantasies don’t suddenly burst, they are built. They are assembled from pieces of lived experiences, from observed gestures, from stories heard or read. Even what didn’t happen to us can be archived as a possible erotic script. Although surveys show certain recurring patterns – threesomes, power roles, strangers – each person has their own private universe that cannot be reproduced.
In this universe, not only images work. Smells, sounds, textures: the body remembers even when it is still. The scenes we imagine are usually richer than any concrete situation because they arise without boundaries, without external rules, without the gaze of others.
Dr. López said the question inevitably arises: Do they have to be respected? The answer is more unclear than clear. Part of the charm of fantasy is precisely the impossible, the disturbing, the things we might never do in real life. If someone wants to act on a fantasy, the previous step is crucial: talking about it. Communication, respect, consent. Not necessarily to execute it, but to understand how it would affect retention.
Sometimes just counting them is enough for something to change. For long-term couples, the specialist sees this as a therapeutic tool: sharing what you imagine can break the monotony, arouse curiosity and open new doors. Even if fantasy remains on the mental level, it can act as a common aphrodisiac.
Another common myth is that of “mental infidelity.” Is imagining another person tantamount to betrayal? No. Thinking is our private territory. Imagination does not obligate or obligate: it is desire without action. Guilt occurs when plans are disrupted and you believe that what you have in mind should be forbidden.
In a culture that often suppresses the erotic, it is important that every person decides their attitude according to their own conscience. Fantasizing, López says, allows us to explore and understand without risk what moves us, what pleases us, and what makes us uncomfortable. It is an intimate space with no demands on execution where desire can unfold.
In short, sexual fantasies are not uncommon, even if some people deny having them.
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