“Do children up to 5 years old pay? » asked Anderson Curvello at the restaurant door, waving to his wife, Cristiane, as one, two, three, four young customers approached, surprising the waiters. “There was already this crowd,” he laughs remembering. Today, with six children aged 3 to 17, the costs and logistics require even more creativity from a clan whose pride is in bringing together brothers, uncles and cousins — around fifty relatives — at Christmas, in Itajaí (SC).
- Sao Paulo: Police search for man who used personal watercraft to rob and attack beachgoers in São Vicente
- Tragedy at Christmas: Bus accident inside SP leaves two dead, 41 injured
Large families like the Curvellos are increasingly rare in Brazil. Between 2010 and 2022, the proportion of women with six or more children fell from 11.49% to 6.99%, according to the census. The fertility rate, which was 6.28 children per woman in 1960, no longer reaches 1.6 today. GLOBO heard from five couples who left the decision on the number of children to God and nature. Education, finance, logistics and individual management emerge as the main challenges, alongside social distancing and consumerism.
Since their honeymoon in 2007, Anderson and Cristiane have talked about having children without setting boundaries. They moved to a farm that now hosts holiday parties, where each guest brings a dish. The routine is simple: a 2012 car, second-hand bikes, clothes that pass from one child to another. For Anderson, Christmas is about coexistence, not consumption:
— People think that to have a big family, you have to be rich. They think we waste it, that we have excess, that’s not true. When the children were younger, we gave each one a souvenir. Over time, we have placed less importance on material possessions. There are parents with one or two children who spend even more.
A few years ago, the couple created the Família Pedal 7+ project, which has more than 300,000 followers on social networks. Even if they favor collective activities, they seek partnerships for individual music, language and sports lessons, depending on each person’s tastes. Elisa, 12 years old, is the Brazilian judo champion in her category. According to his father, having five brothers contributed to his resilience. She helps support the sport by selling candy and has a room all to herself; the boys share another. Domestic tasks are shared, with negotiable responsibilities, aiming for autonomy.
— We have help from an adult nephew and two grandmothers, but it is sporadic. On a daily basis, everyone helps with folding and putting away clothes, washing dishes, vacuuming and gardening, Anderson said.
At the Arasaki house, in São Paulo, the Christmas present arrived early: in November, the influencer Mariana gave birth to Maria Carolina, her 13th daughter with businessman Carlos. The couple says December 25 is the birth of Jesus, but it’s also a time to value connections and try to make each child feel special. Often, Mariana says, the kids themselves come together to find a budget-friendly treat. Secret Santa and shared gifts are common, as is the appreciation of experiences, such as travel.
— On this date we usually have a Secret Santa, and everyone gets their own gift. But they are aware. When they understand it is something more expensive, they say they will share it. The present today replaces the presence. What they need is quality time, he says.
With 1.3 million followers on Instagram, Mariana shows off the intense routine at home, including breakfast in two shifts. The couple developed strategies to serve each child individually, with daily conversations, rituals and a “one child day,” where, once a month, each child chooses the program with their parents.
— We have a ritual for eating breakfast, putting them to sleep, so that they feel welcomed and can express themselves. We measure reprimands according to each person’s temperament — explains Carlos.
A support network is essential. Nannies and relatives help, especially when traveling: the group once had to wait hours in an airport for a flight that could accommodate everyone. Logistics involve limits on the number of companions on planes and, sometimes, the need to charter transportation just for suitcases.
Regiane Cançado, a pregnant mother of seven, recognizes that logistics are one of the biggest challenges. He already had to explain to passers-by that an outing to the shopping center was not a summer camp and that he did not take school buses. One child’s tardiness, she says, creates a domino effect and planning begins hours before appointments. For Regiane, coexistence teaches negotiation, cooperation and sharing of attention:
— We laugh a lot at these stories. And when do you have rehearsal after the service? You need to know how to organize it, take it and at what time. Other than when everyone gets in the car, we check in, but a backpack is left behind. Everything must come back. Sometimes I say I’m going to give the youngest a bath, and another child says he’s already done that. Of course, they fight, they argue. There is a whole society here. They learn to negotiate, to give in, to negotiate, both with toys and with the attention of their parents, reports Régiane.
Without professional help, Regiane and her husband, Elias José, became closer to Richard and Leila Ceschini, parents of eight children. In Brasilia, the two clans help each other to educate young people in a world that exalts consumerism. Richard highlights financial difficulties and unequal expectations, such as the push for smartphones. At Christmas, children write letters to Santa Claus with several options. Leila says that sometimes gifts are “rediscovered” items that were missing from home.
— From the beginning, when business was difficult, we looked for schools with scholarships. But it’s not easy, particularly because of consumerism. There’s always that one boyfriend who gets a smartphone, but he’s an only child. Imagine giving smartphones to multiple people, says Richard.
From this interaction was born the Brazilian Association of Large Families, launched this year, with a benefit club for health and leisure. The proposal is to expand partnerships and give visibility to the needs of these families, such as education, food and employability. For example, Richard defends tax cuts for seven-seater cars.
Mother of 6 children and resident of Guaíba (RS), Geise Devit presents herself as a psychologist and “maternal disinfluencer”. Over the years, she decided to stop working twice to give all her attention to her children, but realized that work is also a source of fulfillment. Six years ago, he hired a nanny to balance things out. She learned to demand less and now helps other mothers in this area.
— This ideal of perfection, of a house always organized, completely clean, does not work. Housework never ends, especially in a house with a lot of people. When I finish washing clothes, there is already another one put in the basket. We need to understand that there will be times of chaos, everyone is crying at the same time, one wants a toilet and the other wants water, and you are just one of them. But we learn to deal with it. Of course they fight, but it’s an opportunity to educate them, to teach them to wait their turn, to fight for their space, to be generous. Relations between brothers and sisters are a school of life – he emphasizes.
About The Author
