Everything you need to know about open relationships, according to experts

Season three of envious It premiered on November 19 and became a huge hit. the series championship Griselda Siciliani It reached number one among the most watched films in Argentina and number five on Netflix’s global weekly list of the top 10 non-English speaking productions. Life as a couple, jealousy, motherhood and open relationships are some of the themes that surround Vicky, the main character who persistently defines herself by her “intensity”.

“Ever since I found out that Lola has an open relationship, the only thing I think is that something will happen to you.“,” says Vicky (Sicily) to Matias (Esteban Lamothe, her fantasy partner). Although Lola is just a co-worker, the fact that she is involved in non-monogamous relationships unleashes all kinds of ghosts in the protagonist.

But what is it really Open relationship? To clarify what it is about, Clarion I spoke with Juan Pablo Durto and Cecilia Figlioli, founders of “la policlinica”, an accompaniment and listening space for members (or aspirants) of non-monogamous relationships and the authors of the book The emotional sexual revolution (Uranus).

“Unlike monogamy, which makes emotional and sexual exclusivity the first criteria, open relationships and non-monogamy Allowing multiple emotional or sexual relationships with consent and transparency. “This relational model questions the monogamous norm, that is, the assumption that all people want monogamy and must adhere to it without questioning it,” Figlioli and Dorto said.

In this sense, they explain that there is a great variety of ways of relating that do not include sexual and emotional exclusivity as a basis. For them, “there is no homogeneous mass of relationships, and that is the most interesting thing.”

In contrast to the prejudices that still exist about this type of relationship, Cecilia and Juan Pablo highlight that none of the labels within non-monogamy are defined by the number of relationships, but rather by the search for Critical vision and overcoming romantic love: Our system of beliefs, symbols, languages, and behaviors around love.

“According to them”Open relationships are or should be a space to reflect on love and relationships And criticize this belief system that encourages relationships based on controlling and possessing our partner. The goal of open relationships isn’t just to date more people. “Polyamory is not something polyamorists invented.”

In this context, they added, “In fact, in the world of monogamy, the opposite seems to be happening. The rule is polygamy, but through marital infidelity and severance of the relationship.” Exclusive agreement. People desire, are attracted, and live simultaneously.

They insisted that open relationships involve reviewing everything that has been learned about love and relationships, as well as trying and practicing not to reproduce it in the new relationships to be built.

“We opened the relationship because we believed there was potential to change the world“, stated Juan Pablo and Cecilia when explaining their position on this way of relating. “To break out of the mononorm means all this criticism of how we see love and the couple and build agreements on the basis of values ​​other than those proposed by romantic love.

Regarding this type of agreement, they explained that “Agreements It is based on the independence and companionship of people and on the refusal to control and possess the desires, decisions and needs of others. Maintaining personal and emotional safety is a priority, setting clear and respectful boundaries, as well as respecting our company boundaries.

In this context, they highlighted the importance consensus and consentThey differed in the meaning of the two concepts: “consensus is a general framework, and consent is specific.”

Consensus is an agreement based on shared interests regarding an activity that specifies the conditions under which that activity will occur: when, where, how, and with whom. Consensus must be discussed as equally as possible, and the information necessary to enable decision-making to be disclosed, Respect the autonomy of the people involved and personal boundaries.

Moreover, consensus is dynamic and persists over time; It requires flexibility and great exercise. They explained that once this agreement is entered into, the parties can give their consent to different situations, in this case emotional and sexual.

On the other hand, Figlioli and D’Orto emphasized that “in open relationships, people think that making an agreement between spouses (as they are now called) is about coming to an agreement.” List of prohibited and permitted thingsUltimately, what you are trying to achieve is the ability to control what your partner does with his friends, outings, decisions, or other partners.

but, “The convention is not a supermarket menu“Not all situations can be predicted and not all situations can be resolved as a couple, there are things that depend exclusively on the independent decisions of the people involved,” they stressed.

They concluded, “What often happens is that people feel desires, love, or friendship for several people, but they do not want to separate from the schema that includes monogamous and romantic love. It is true that It requires a lot of energy and patience This is not always the right time. However, all parties knowing the type of relationship they have is vital to being able to agree on how to implement it.”