When a relationship ends, many people try to maintain a friendship, which in certain cases is impossible. After suffering betrayal, infidelity or harmful behavior, there are people who choose to nip it in the bud and commit an act Zero contact. This strategy involves stopping all communication and physical contact in order to heal emotionally.
However, for many people, zero contact is an act of immaturity, unnecessary and disrespectful to another person. The psychologist Fran Sánchez strictly rejects this idea because he actually assumes it “It is recommended and it is very important in many, if not all, cases.”
Despite all the emotional grief and separation, emotional distance is necessary, at least for a while. Sánchez compares a person’s detachment to stop an addiction. “When you get out of an addiction, you are forced (in this case, because it destroys your life) to distance yourself from something with which you were associated in an almost compulsive way: a substance, a behavior… In a relationship it is not a compulsive connection, although this can sometimes be the case when it comes to idealization or emotional dependence,” he explains on his social networks.
When our partner leaves us or we ourselves are forced to end a relationship that is already unsustainable, we are actually cutting a bond that we do not want to end. To achieve this real detachment is what is called in psychology Stimulus control.
“To stop alcoholism, you have to make sure that the person suffering from this addiction stops going to the bar, where he will have constant temptations and reminders of how much he liked to drink, even if it is a long-term toxic behavior. Exactly the same thing happens with a romantic relationship,” explains the psychologist. Therefore, zero contact is important.
Don’t look at social media of the other person is a good example of implementing zero contact because it can trigger memories and idealize the past. In addition, the psychologist advises trying to control things Don’t reread conversations old photos or photos together that can remind you of good times.
“It’s very difficult to get over a person I didn’t want to break up with if I don’t allow emotional distance, if I don’t manage to establish zero contact,” he says in a video on TikTok. In fact, entering a is possible without proper zero contact Spiral of coming and going It’s almost inevitable.
“Suddenly, on Sunday, I feel vulnerable again, I look at his social networks again and I become even more vulnerable and so I write him a message: “How are you feeling?” This message leads to a slightly deeper conversation and from then on I have idealizations and illusions of reconciliation and an endless number of combinations that bring you closer can’t get out of this situation“clarifies the psychologist.
Performing zero contact not only prevents us from falling into self-destructive dynamics and loops of comings and goings, but it also helps with grief. “You will significantly delay your grief sentimental if you do not establish zero contact,” warns the psychologist, who describes it as “an act of emotional maturity, self-knowledge, responsibility and self-love.”
The other person must respect them just as we respected the decision to end the relationship. In fact, “no contact is a lot.” more than not talking to that person“If you are unable to establish effective zero contact and the intrusive thoughts and disconnection are destroying you, you should seek help,” concludes Sánchez.
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