When a couple decides to include a “lunchbox” – a third partner for casual encounters – the fantasy often seems simple: fun, variety and no emotional consequences. But, according to sexologist Alessandra Araújo, this dynamic requires more responsibility than many imagine. “The ‘game’ is for everyone, but the couple is the guardian of the limits,” he says.
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The expert explains that the greatest risk does not lie in sex, but in the emotional bonds that can arise if the couple does not protect each other. To achieve this, it highlights four fundamental pillars. See below:
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1. Strengthen the primacy of the couple
Alessandra says the main defense against attachment is to strengthen the bond between the two. It begins with rituals before and after meetings with the third party, with moments of conversation, affection and even exclusive sex. “It’s a way for the body to register that true intimacy is occurring within the couple,” he explains.
Another practice is to revisit the reason for the experience – fantasy, curiosity, pleasure – so that the focus remains on the recreational nature of the dynamic. The couple should also hold periodic meetings to check the “emotional thermometer” and assess whether there is jealousy, excessive thoughts or an impact on their sex life.
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2. Limit third-party access to privacy
For the sexologist, emotional intimacy is born from vulnerability and shared time, which is precisely what the couple should avoid. Communication with the “lunchbox” must be limited to logistics: date, time and place. Long conversations, venting or exchanges about personal life are fertile ground for engagement.
The time spent with the third person should also be limited, avoiding overnight stays, family lunches or activities that make this person fit into the routine. Alessandra also recommends that communication should preferably be done in a group, reinforcing belonging to the three-way dynamic and avoiding secret individual connections.
3. Clarity and ethics with the third party
If the goal is not to create romantic connections, transparency is essential. “It must be said bluntly: it is occasional, it is not exclusive and the primary relationship is not contested,” he advises. This message should be reinforced over time, if necessary.
Expensive gifts, profound statements or long-term plans are prohibited: they all signal commitment. And, if the time comes to end the experience, the couple must do so clearly, together and gently, without too much hope.
In the sexual world, “marmita” is slang for a person who participates in casual encounters with an already established couple.
4. Take care of jealousy and projection
According to Alessandra, the couple cannot use the third party to fill emotional or sexual holes in the primary relationship. This only increases the risk of involvement. Furthermore, jealousy should be treated as a warning signal: “If one of the two feels discomfort or competition with the third party, it is time to immediately put the dynamic on hold,” he says. This feeling indicates that the foundations of the couple are weakened — and that emotional projection may be directed outward.
In the end, the sexologist summarizes the golden rule: protect the couple’s intimacy and maintain the third party instead of sexual and recreational, non-emotional participation. “It must be reaffirmed at all times that love and primary bonding are the top priority,” he concludes.
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