Account Pillar that your daughter Ainara One day he asked her to take a gun. “Why, my daughter?” “Then you can shoot me and be done with it,” the girl replied. “It was” the unbearable pain of unstoppable cervical cancer that … He took Ainara, 38, on June 24. No weapons. “As I told you, after half an hour, I wanted to continue living,” the mother continues. He asked God for some time: “If he would give me one more year to enjoy my house…” He bought it in 2023. The mother continues: “Ainara was pure life.” In fact, he assures, really, to his precious daughter.”The idea of dying never entered his mind.. Never. I kept thinking there were possibilities, why wouldn’t there be something for her? There wasn’t any.
Now imagine celebrating Christmas six months later with this raw pain. And yet, at home Pillar And Jose and the tree was placed by Ainara’s brothers and nephews. Christmas Eve and Christmas were celebrated. For her and for everyone. And even the invisible friend: “Ainara was the total promoter.”
Each bereavement, like each end of life, is different. The way Ainara’s parents coped left its mark in the San Camilo palliative care unit in Tres Cantos, Madrid. There, in the last stretch of Ainara, the family received support from the psychosocial care team of the comprehensive care program for people with advanced diseases of the La Caixa Foundation. remember that Yolande Lopezteam psychologist, specialist in emotional support which goes from farewell to the subsequent management of bereavement.
Ainara’s cancer lasted more than two years. Admission to palliative care 20 days. “It was very quick, but it gave them time to make their way,” says the psychologist. Pilar’s time in the program had an impact on her: “When we arrived in San Camilo, I met people who treated everyone like people and not like patients.
“I entered a place where you were taught to die but it’s curious, because in this place I felt a lot of life. Complicity, darling, holding your arm when you need it most,” Pilar said. “I think these people should keep doing what they’re doing. Helping a lot of people, a lot,” he continues. At the same time, it is they themselves who provide support. “Pilar and José achieve what we call healthy mourning,” explains Yolanda of the Program, who remembers that the couple also participates in support groups to witness other people who are still in “before”.
“It’s not where you can touch it, but it’s there. Our loved ones are there, we cannot touch them, but we can love them above all else.
“Here we have the Listen Center, which is a free bereavement and crisis care service. Pilar and José come to participate in the group. As a psychologist, I see that since they come from the future, so to speak, with their testimony, the way they express things, the way their attitudes evolve, etc., what they do is bring hope and support to people who are in this anxiety of what this will be and what will happen next.
This is how Ainara’s story becomes a story of gratitude: “It’s my daughter’s legacy.”said his mother. “Luckily, God gave us the opportunity to enjoy it for 38 years. And physically he is not there, but I can assure you that he is more alive than ever in us.
Question: Where does this strength come from?
Answer: It’s living without a person you loved more than your life. I don’t think we’re ready. No matter the moment of loss, a child, an adolescent, a young person, no one is prepared… In these discussions, in this therapy, you will forgive me for saying this, but we are all in the same shit: all knowing that the person we have there will never go out again, will not return home. But you take a lot.
Q: What did Pilar learn from her daughter’s death?
A: That we are tourists in this life. This life is born with a journey, it is born with a destination. We don’t know when this destiny will arrive, but when this lease expires, we will have to leave life. I always heard, like everyone else, I suppose, that it was unfair for parents to bury a child. I learned that it’s something we say to justify something. But no, death is not defined before 80 or 90 years. The rental of life ends and our life ends. Now I see life in a completely different way. I went out a lot, I experienced a lot, everything a lot. And yet, I don’t need to be around a lot of people anymore. I like to listen to my silence. I like to feel, sometimes, the pain that I feel.
Q: What message would you give to other families going through a similar situation?
A: Grief is something that each person experiences and grieves in a different way. But for those of us who have lost someone, the grief is always with us. It’s like when you really want something in this life and you fight and fight, but one day you realize that what you fought for, what you still want, isn’t there. It’s not where you can touch it, but it’s there. Our loved ones are there, we cannot touch them, but we can love them above all else.
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