Breathe in, breathe out. Perfect. Repeat and breathe deeply, close your eyes, think of the sea, the beach… in the grandmother’s land where the cousin stayed in San Bernardo! Don’t worry, these thoughts may arise, even more so in these times when the holidays bring the family together around a table full of love, affection, reflection and sharp looks, as well as untimely demands from relatives.
It’s true that Christmas was for celebrating the birth of Jesus (or for forgetting the diet and diving headfirst into the Vitel Toné), but it also became a place where unnecessary comments, provocative “sticks” and stinging topics go out like a winning team. For this reason, we present you five tips for a calm, relaxed end to the year that is suitable for every audience. We breathe in, we breathe out.
Number 1: Don’t bring up hot topics.
We don’t talk about whether Cristina did it, whether Milei responded, whether Chiqui Tapia is a friend of this or that businessman. No, these are not hot topics, they are afternoon news topics. The hot topics are: the roast, which is a bit hard and spoiled, the cousin who asked for money to open an internet café in 2005 and never gave it back, or cousin Agustina, who ended up wearing a green dress even though she knew that the bride’s mother also wore green. Breathe in, breathe out. Keep in mind that these problems won’t be solved in two hours, let alone with that Russian salad in the middle. Best of all, when those flying arrows come, dodge them with a mischievous giggle and finish with, “Yeah, it’s a theme, eh.” You have to ignore it, like the AFA referees during the tournament.
Number 2: the gifts
Unless you’re a 10-year-old boy who’s angry because you didn’t give him the PlayStation, try not to make an angry face when he sees that you gave him a top brand shirt and two bath soaps. At this point, you should already know who you’re meeting with, what budget you have available for other holidays, and how useful the little packages Santa leaves you will be. And he knows very well that it is not a question of money, because everyone does what they can, but that it is a question of attitude (as Fito Páez would say). Tip: You already know what the people you spend time with are like. Think about it before you go shopping to destroy your card.
Number 3: And who are they?
If you don’t see your godmother all year round… why do you keep inviting her? fill the table? to not feel alone? Just in case? Just in case! We must eliminate the Peronist mayoral mentality of filling the seats with lots of people. Double advice: do not invite the people you only see when you wake up to the parties and rather invite your friends, your football mates, your lover (this must be clarified beforehand with a lawyer).
Number 4: When are they leaving?
Time is money and also health. What does it mean? The longer the event lasts, the more likely it is to end in chair banging. Don’t start the meeting at three in the afternoon, because by eight in the evening no one will be sitting with anyone and by the time Santa Claus comes they will already be holding each other’s hair and there is a chance that a reindeer will eat a chair. It’s better to meet at ten in the evening, eat quickly, half-drowned, and kiss, kiss, come home at midnight… Even if you are very innovative, you can call at eleven in the evening, then an hour will pass quickly. Or better yet, if you dare to tread the boards like you’ve never seen before, don’t invite anyone and lock yourself away to watch Lavecchia’s special offers on TyC Sports.
Number 5: Don’t ask unless asked.
How long do you have left to finish the race? You’re chubby, aren’t you? In the end you couldn’t change the car? Did you find out that your ex is getting married in May? Let’s avoid unfriendly questions as they tend to create an unfriendly atmosphere. In other words, Auntie, if your niece had already graduated, you would have figured it out.
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