The creators of “Anaconda” were at least right about one thing: Remaking the largely poorly received 1997 trashy film of the same name is kind of a stupid idea. Jack Black and Paul Rudd enter the picture as two losers from Buffalo, a town in upstate New York, with an inordinate attachment to this 1990s artifact — a movie so reliably “bad is good” that it spawned several sequels and even a crossover spinoff involving a killer crocodile. Directed by Tom Gormican, this self-referential action comedy manages to make smart digs at the film industry and nostalgia culture, but its polished spectacle doesn’t achieve half the zany fun of, say, watching Jon Voight get crushed by an animatronic doll with lewd eyes.
Maybe because midlife crisis fantasies rarely deliver on their promises. Griff (Rudd), a struggling actor, and Doug (Black), a wedding videographer who dreams of being the next John Carpenter, find themselves in exactly this situation when they head to the Brazilian jungle to film a DIY version of the cheesy classic. Alongside their equally wounded friends Claire (Thandiwe Newton) and Kenny (Steve Zahn), Griff and Doug desperately want to relive the magic of their childhood, when the four of them made a very low-budget Sasquatch film that they believe represents the pinnacle of their lives. Doug is the father of a child who idolizes him, but the cute parts of the film are (thankfully) kept to a minimum, and even the bromance between Doug and Griff is treated with ironic detachment.
In Brazil, the team floats down the Amazon River on a raft that they don’t realize has been stolen by Ana (Daniela Melchior), a tough resident fleeing armed raiders. The film’s meta-humor distracts from the fragility of this rougher plot, which seems to exist only to justify a few motorcycle chases and collateral deaths. “Important themes! shout Doug and Griff as they half-heartedly brainstorm ideas for the storyline – and when Ana shows off her skills against the bad guys pursuing her, the outline of a thriller about a combative environmentalist taking on looters briefly inspires Doug to make her the protagonist.
“Energy” by Selton Mello
Selton Mello adds bizarre energy as the snake handler, and Zahn’s Kenny – the most incompetent of this group of incompetents – staggers around the boat with stolen pills. Rudd repeats his adorable simpleton act and Black goes into manic mode as usual like a disheveled Don Quixote, but the film surrounding them doesn’t quite match the actors’ unbridled absurdity.
When the great, terrible snake finally enters the picture, a few scatological jokes (one involving Doug’s regurgitated body and a presumably dead boar) push the film in a livelier, gleefully goofier direction — which is a good thing, since we’re in an “Anaconda” movie. But for all the talk about moving away from the original, production ends up being sucked into the gravitational force of intellectual property. And, as adept as he is at integrating cameos and Easter eggs, one harsh truth remains: the snake that gives the film its name is a bit annoying.
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