The infidelity It is usually one of the most impactful experiences in a couple’s life.. The breakdown of the exclusivity agreement, whether sexual, emotional or virtual, leaves a deep mark on the trust and self-esteem of those involved.
Specialists consulted by Infobae They explained that there are a number of signs that can warn of deception and how it is possible Rebuild the bond or trust in yourself and love again after a betrayal.
First, experts agree that the definition of infidelity has become more complex over time. For the UBA psychologist, professor at Favaloro University and author of the book I don’t believe you anymore, Patricia Faur (MN 5857), “Today, when we talk about infidelity, we mean the breaking of an agreement rather than the classic sexual betrayal.”. According to her, “Each couple makes their own agreements and defines what they consider treason. This can be anything from watching an erotic chat to having sex, falling in love or leading a double life.” It all depends on the pact they made“.
From the perspective of the psychiatrist and sexologist Walter Ghedin (MN 74794), “The causes of infidelity are not always related to a relationship crisis. There are people who, due to their personality structure They look for new stimuli or confirmation, while others suffer from emotional or sexual deficits.“.
For his part, the psychology graduate and sexologist Mauricio Strugo (MN 41436) noted: “Infidelity is often a symptom that something in the couple’s system is not working.. Although there are many ways to express discomfort, infidelity is most often an abrupt way to break the silence of the commitment.”
It’s not always easy to recognize infidelity, nor is there an infallible list of “symptoms.” Still, experts have identified some patterns that can serve as a warning.
- Inattention and emotional detachment. For Strugo, “inattention is the first sign to consider,” as is “lack of desire and patience.” Faur agreed: “If you notice distance, avoidance behavior and turning away from your cell phone in your partner, these are signals to talk.”
- Evasive behavior and concealment. Strugo emphasized that “deleted messages, hiding the phone, and behaviors that create distrust, such as arriving later than usual, can be signs.” Ghedin added that “talking on the phone at odd hours or hiding to talk” is often a common behavior.
- Changed routines and habits. “Repeated excuses to go out with friends, changing clothes, or suddenly increasing self-care” are on Ghedin’s list. The specialist pointed out that “the couple may notice that the other spends more, is more flexible or avoids certain places when they know they can match the lover in them.”
- Variations in sexual intimacy. According to Ghedin, “the frequency of sexual intercourse decreases or, on the contrary, the couple proposes unusual practices or poses. They can also increase or decrease emotional demands.”
- Behavior in social networks. According to the psychiatrist, “liking or commenting on unknown people and unusual or secret virtual activities” are among the changes that are usually noticeable.
- Unexplained changes in mood or shared routine. “An inexplicable truce may appear in a couple’s demands and conflicts, or, on the contrary, emotional complaints such as ‘You don’t give me what I need’ may increase,” Ghedin described.
- Suspicious attitudes in shared situations. The sexologist mentioned that “avoiding certain places or showing fear, for example on vacation or at the weekend” can be more subtle cues.
Faur recommended these behaviors not to become “detectives” for the couple, but to enable open communication: “The most important thing is not to check the phones, but to say, ‘There’s something that’s making me uncomfortable and I need to know what’s happening.'”
The hit to self-confidence and self-esteem is transversal. Strugo compared the impact to “an open wound that is treated gradually, with personal and community workand the other is ready to regain trust and show remorse.”
Ghedin warned: “The betrayed person feels strange both towards their unfaithful partner and towards themselvesand there lies the core of the pain: in Self-criticism and personal devaluationAccording to the psychiatrist, “Women are more susceptible to personal criticism and suffer its impact on the roles they have constructed, while in men the blow has an impact on masculinity and the perception of dominance.”
At this point, Faur underlined the complexity of the recovery process: “It’s not easy to regain trust, it’s a lot of work. But the truth is: when we stop judging, we stop being detectives and try to understand what happened. Then there are some things that are important.” If we reach an agreement again, we will not go into what happened again. That’s it, he prescribed it. It is not worth returning to the topic in the next discussion. We made an agreement, we decided to stay together, it’s a new agreement and moving forward. If we are not sure, let’s not make the agreement and let’s not move forward, because I can’t torture the other person for life with this.“.
Experts agree on this Rebuilding trust requires a complex process that requires personal work and commitment from both parties.. Strugo claimed: “Confidence is never the same again, but the scar doesn’t stop us from moving on.. Trust does not mean total surrender; You have to learn that love is not blind and that it starts with you.”
Faur contributed: ““There are resilient couples who manage to rebuild their bond after infidelity and even emerge stronger from it.”. The specialist assured that these are relationships “that, when there is the will to move forward, value and recover many things of emotional intimacy and trust in the other.”
“They are similar to those Japanese porcelains called kintsugi, which in reality, when they break, are repaired with gold dust,” he compared. “I say that they are couples who have gold dust. In other words, they The crack the deception created was covered in gold and now they were much more beautiful and ripe. That they can even understand that sexuality needs one refreshthat they need to do something sexually to revive that space a little, which isn’t that easy.
Ghedin emphasized: “After infidelity, communication usually improves and couples need to work out their differencesalthough the distrust continues for a long time.”
According to experts, the process of emotional recovery involves speaking clearly, asking rather than assuming, and avoiding the role of detective. “Being faithful means offering trust as an act of faith. And faith is the engine of hope. ‘I believe you’ are two words that make you sleep peacefully and wake up in your best version,” concluded Faur.
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