Many people live according to what others expect of them and not according to what they really want. The feeling of following other people’s scripts, acting according to invisible guidelines or… Organize life so that others are not disappointed It is more common than is generally believed.
This “living for others” does not necessarily mean extreme sacrifice or excessive altruism, but is usually a quiet mode of existence in which the person detaches himself from his own desires, whether out of fear, loyalty or habit.
This phenomenon has early roots. The child is emotionally dependent on his parents (or caregivers) and very soon unconsciously learns which parts of him are accepted and which. Creating rejection or tension in the family environment.
That is, what is experienced as “one’s own” is often an affective adaptation to the needs of the environment.
Part of a healthy mental life the balance between one’s own desire and the shared reality. Of course, it’s not good to live in narcissistic isolation, but neither is it good to maintain an existence whose compass is always outside of yourself.
When the self organizes itself around the needs of others, something essential is lost: the ability to feel what you want, what you think, and what you need.
The brain is equipped with circuits designed to recognize social approval and rejection. From an evolutionary perspective it is Belonging to the group was important for survival and therefore seeking approval activates regions such as the amygdala, medial prefrontal cortex, and dopaminergic systems.
When someone lives to be liked or to avoid conflict, these circuits can become hyper-reactive and the person feels immediate relief when meeting other people’s expectations, but pays a rising internal price.
It’s like the brain Get used to receiving “rewards”. Not to be authentic, but to adapt to the other person.
The price is usually high, as disconnection from one’s needs chronically increases cortisol levels, the body lives in tension, trying to maintain relationships or roles that demand more than it can give.
Many people who live for others may experience fatigue, irritability, insomnia and depression that they do not associate with this way of working. However The body always warns of awareness that something is wrong.
This functional style arises in very duty-oriented personalities, in stories in which affection was gained in exchange for certain services, or after traumatic experiences in which the possibility of saying “no” was associated with danger.
A simple option Recognize if someone lives too much for others It is the observation of what happens when one’s own desire arises: is there guilt? Is there a fear of fraud? Do you feel “selfish” when you think about yourself?
These are indications that identity is organized more around the other than around one’s own subjectivity.
The way out is not to become individualistic or ignore others No one is fulfilled alone. The key is to regain the ability to listen to your own desires.
Every time a person chooses something for himself, he strengthens his individuality and begins to be the author of his own life.
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