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Reading time: 7 mins
They are for us or against us. This is the formula for many of the most powerful speeches in history.
They resonate because they evoke a way of thinking that is as old as it is stubborn, a black and white logic that has shaped conflicts, ideologies and entire eras.
This simple dilemma has run through empires, revolutions and crises.
In post-tsarist Russia there was talk of revolutionaries and counter-revolutionaries. In Italy in the 1930s, the regime reduced the world to fascists and anti-fascists. And during American McCarthyism, patriotism became such a narrow line that any disagreement could be interpreted as disloyalty.
The temptation to divide reality into two irreconcilable sides is a way of thinking that is as human as it is dangerous, especially in a world that, today as always, requires nuance.
It goes by several names: dichotomous, absolutist, binary, all or nothing, and black and white thinking.
And it’s attractive because sometimes it’s easier and more comfortable to classify things in life as right or wrong, good or bad, acceptable or unacceptable. Shades of gray are difficult.
But on both a social and personal level it is misleading and often problematic.
It’s just that sometimes situations are so tense or the stakes seem so high that black and white thinking is hard to avoid.
That’s partly because it’s so deeply rooted, psychologist and author Kimberley Wilson explained on the BBC’s What’s Up Docs?
“We believe it is one of the first ways we developed to understand the world.”
He’s not exaggerating: he’s talking about the time when we were babies.
“The world for the baby is very confusing. Everything was dark, quiet, warm and peaceful. Suddenly it’s cold, it’s loud, there are lights and everything. His mind has to organize the world, and as he develops his psychic apparatus he has to distinguish between good and bad, desirable and unwelcome, safe and unsafe.”
“These are very complex concepts: there is someone – maybe the mother – who comes on time, hugs him and feeds him. But then there are moments in the baby’s life when he may only stay for a few minutes and no one comes to look after him.”
“These frustrations are normal, but for a baby it’s overwhelming; they have no context to understand it.”
“So we believe that a clear line is created in the mind of the baby and the child: There is the good mother who takes care of me, and then there is the bad mother who abandons me.”
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As you grow and mature, you experience the complexity of the world and begin to develop a sense of integration: you realize that the adult who looks after you and gives you what you need and the one who postpones coming when you want it is the same person.
“In an analytical sense, we call this the depressive position,” says Wilson.
And it sounds sad, but he explains that it’s because “the initial binary thinking allows us to be in a state of idealization in which there are perfect and other nefarious beings.”
“When you suddenly get to a point of integration and have to bring them together, that’s the moment in life when you realize that your parents are human and therefore imperfect. That’s why we call it the depressive position, because it feels like a descent, a descent to earth.”
But it is only in this intermediate position, in which white is mixed with black, that we really feel committed to reality, the psychologist emphasizes, “because in extreme cases we find ourselves in fantastic states of idealization and denigration.”
But our early experiences with the world aren’t the only reason why all-or-nothing thinking is so seductive.
Energetically demanding
Remember that our brains run on energy and thinking uses calories and takes time, so it can be tiring.
Classifying someone or something as good or bad simply requires less mental energy.
“The brain is always looking for ways to save energy, that’s why we have habits. The question is: why do I have to think about every decision?
“Black and white thinking is the same thing. It’s a lot easier if I can take one aspect of you, categorize you and put you in a box, and then I don’t have to do any of that deep, energetically demanding, judgmental stuff.”
“It is a process of idealization and denigration that can happen in any direction,” the psychologist added.
And it can go to extremes.
On one side are those who think, “You’re incredible, and the rest are really stupid; people who may have fallen into a state of narcissism or have narcissistic traits.”
“If I believe that everything good is inside me, then everything bad is outside, and that makes it very difficult to have relationships with people or take responsibility for myself. I can end up feeling persecuted: everyone is against me because I have all these gifts and talents.”
At the other pole are those who think that “everything bad is in them.”
“Everything I do becomes trash. I can’t do anything well. I’m broken.
The psychologist says that when dealing with someone whose view is dichotomous, the frontal challenge is not the best option as they may become defensive and combative.
On the other hand, going into no man’s land and acting curiously allows the person to express their ideas and imagine other possibilities.”
“A belief is just a belief, and if I can get him to understand that it is a belief and not a fact, then we can start thinking about other reality checks that might lead us to a more balanced way of thinking.”
advance of trust
Without going to extremes, we can all slip into this dichotomous way of thinking from time to time.
From “If I don’t do it perfectly, I’ll fail,” which can, for example, cause us to quit a diet because we ate something “forbidden” on Monday, to “Either he loves me completely or he doesn’t love me at all,” which can make any detail the reason for the end of a relationship.
Not to mention topics that require knowledge, analysis, reflection and more to form an opinion… something you also have to do all the time.
Is there a mental shortcut, a way to approach the world so that it doesn’t become such an exhausting task?
“Yes, it is what we call the benefit of the doubt, which is a very generous position to enter the world.
“If I at least conclude that it is impossible for one person to know with certainty what is going on in another’s brain, then I can at least give you the benefit of the doubt. That leaves a little room for new evidence.
“And I don’t have to know anything for sure. I can say: I don’t know.”
So if you categorize a person as good or bad, you might initially preclude gaining a full, nuanced, and complex understanding of their motives and life.
However, you can start by giving him the benefit of the doubt.
“I think it’s a much more peaceful way to be in the world. Because when you have the world divided into two parts, the good and the bad, you spend a lot of your time facing enemies.”
image source, Getty Images
One of the reasons binary thinking is so widespread is that it can be very useful for gaining public support.
Forming two sides and pointing out the other as the wrong one is very effective in many areas, especially in politics.
“In politics, those who take extreme positions may survive, but what we are aiming for, namely a functioning society, is the part that is left to its own devices and is really eroding. It is influenced by the extremes and the change between the extremes.”
On a social and personal level, Wilson emphasizes that by taking an extreme position, “one belittles or denies similarities and ultimately defines oneself by how different one is from the other side.”
“Given that most people want to feel like we are good, prosocial, intelligent people and make good decisions, if I define myself by how different I am from you, then you must be a bad person and stupid and your decisions are wrong.”
“What happens is that I project all of my evil onto you. I deny all of your goodness. This allows me to treat you very badly because I have no idea of your worth.”
“That’s the big disadvantage of black and white thinking.”
“When we define ourselves by how different we are from each other, we deny humanity, kindness, virtue and every useful quality in others and treat them badly… whether it is a football team, a political party, a religious group or your friend,” concludes the psychologist.
* This article is based on an episode of the BBC Radio 4 series What’s Up Docs..
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