When is the right time for children to walk down the street alone?

Question of the week 🤷‍♀️🤷

When is the ideal time to let our children walk down the street alone? Or stay home alone? Or touch the stove alone? My son is 11 years old.

I grew up in the suburbs of Rio in the 1980s, in a world without tablets or cell phones. I remember playing very freely in front of my parents’ house since I was little.

There were of course rules: first, I could only stay on the sidewalk; Afterwards, I could only walk down my street; Little by little, I started going alone to the school – which was on the side street – and to the nearby bakery. The big milestone was when my parents let me walk around the block and I finally got to play cops and robbers with the other kids.

At 13, when I changed schools, I was already taking the bus alone to go to the neighboring neighborhood. Before the cell phone era, there was less control simply because there was no way to monitor everything. I remember one time my younger brother got on the wrong bus and it took him three hours to get home. The bus went to the terminus, on the other side of town, and he could not find – or would not find – a public telephone to notify him. Typical teenage things.

The freedom to come and go also came with autonomy within the home. At the age of 12, I was already reheating my lunch, ironing my clothes, helping wash the yard, and taking care of my younger brothers. I wasn’t completely alone yet, but I already had my responsibilities. It was a natural process, which happened little by little, as I grew up.

Today, I have the feeling that technology, at the same time as it takes away from children the pleasure of playing freely, makes many of them no longer feel capable of carrying out simple and basic activities at home.

Meanwhile, parents are increasingly worried about real-time information about violence – and increasingly overprotective.

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If you have questions about raising children and adolescents and want us to find answers, see how to submit your question at the end of this report.

A word from the experts 👩‍🏫👨‍🏫

Renato Caminha, therapist, parent educator and speaker

🧠 These are complex questions that have no simple answers. Today, childhood and adolescence are crossed by important cultural factors. From a biological point of view, childhood ends around age 12; However, with the constant dopamine stimulation caused by electronic devices, many children lose interest in playing early.

🏙 At the same time, we live in a social structure marked by high levels of violence and inequality, which pushes many parents to postpone their children’s freedom of movement for as long as possible. In bourgeois families, it is only at the end of childhood and the beginning of adolescence — around age 12 — that small permissions begin to emerge, such as going alone to a supermarket on the same street or to an ice cream parlor. As parents become more anxious, children themselves end up reacting with more fear and insecurity when facing their first outings alone.

🔐 Today, parents supervise their children very intensively until mid-adolescence, around 14 or 15 years old. It is at this period that adolescents begin to assert their autonomy, to go out with friends or to take small trips, always supervised and followed. In practice, comings and goings only become an integral part of their lives during the second phase of adolescence, when parental control naturally diminishes.

🏠 Before the age of 12, we understand that the brain is not yet completely prepared to deal alone with the problems that can arise over a prolonged period at home. The ideal is therefore that they are alone for short periods and always with emotional security. It is not recommended to leave a child alone at home, very frightened and without psychological comfort.

🧃 When we talk about small tasks, it is clear that the current generation has less autonomy than the previous one. Children who are too protected tend to develop their autonomy later. We therefore recommend that from the age of 8 they start participating in simple activities, such as heating their own food, always under supervision.

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Claudia Alaminos, school psychologist, parent educator and master’s degree in psychology and education

❓ Whenever we imagine allowing our child to stay at home without the presence of an adult, walk alone on the street or cook their own food, the first question that usually comes to mind is: what is the right age for this?

📚 When we study child and adolescent development, we quickly get an answer: there is no universal age. Autonomy is not a key that can be turned over, it is built gradually, and is always closely linked to the maturity of each young person.

👀 The answer is therefore not the age of the young person, but the behaviors they display. Before increasing their autonomy, adults must pay attention to whether they usually follow their plans, whether they can anticipate an appropriate reaction to a difficult situation, whether they can react to small frustrations without outbursts and whether they know how to ask for help when they need it.

🌍 In the same way, we must look at the environment. If the place where he lives is safe, if there are people nearby to whom the young person can turn in an emergency and for the moment the adult will be absent.

🌱 The gradual introduction of new situations for young people is essential. Staying alone for a few minutes at home or learning to cook a simple dish are situations to be introduced gradually. Introduction should take place through close training and supervision. You must be with the child or adolescent. Then monitor these activities from a distance, until the young person demonstrates sufficient competence and confidence. This supervised progression increases safety and facilitates the development of fundamental skills for independent adult life.

🧩 For all these reasons, the ideal time cannot be marked in advance on the calendar. It emerges when maturity, training and safety conditions are met. Autonomy is not a reward that can be earned. Autonomy does not agree, it is built piece by piece, like a puzzle, which comes together as development progresses.

⚠ We talk a lot about young people being overprotected, but the opposite, offering autonomy to those who are not prepared, is perhaps even more dangerous.

DESCOMPLICA: a summary of what the experts say 💭

🧠 There is no exact age for walking alone in the street, staying at home or using stoves. Autonomy is built gradually and depends on individual maturity.

👀 It is important to observe behaviors, such as respecting agreements, managing frustrations, anticipating risks and knowing how to ask for help.

🌍 The environment matters a lot: the level of security in the neighborhood, the presence of adults nearby and the duration of absence of those responsible.

🪜 Autonomy must be introduced little by little, with training and supervision: first together, then remotely, until safety and competence are achieved.

📅 In the current context, marked by violence and parental anguish, small freedoms generally begin around the age of 12, and the comings and goings only consolidate in mid-adolescence (14-15 years old).

On the radar – 5 tips to promote autonomy in adolescents, by Claudia Alaminos

1. Delegate tasks. They must be compatible with the age of the young person. Tasks beyond or below what he can do are daunting and tend to generate procrastination.
2. Encourage problem solving. We tend to already offer the solution. The ideal is to listen carefully to the young person, before making suggestions. This increases safety and the feeling of competence to do what is asked.
3. Fix the mistakes made. It is necessary to give adolescents the opportunity to repair their mistakes and learn from them. Fighting or pointing out mistakes does not improve performance.
4. Acknowledgement. It is important to recognize the adolescent’s good initiatives, efforts and progress. Don’t just focus on the expected end result.
5. Reflection and dialogue. Remember to encourage reflection and dialogue after important and more impactful experiences, both positive and negative.