Why it’s so easy to be sad in December and what to do to deal with the ‘Christmas blues’

Part of these feelings is caused by special features of this period, experts say: the feeling that it will not be possible to deal with everything before New Year’s Eve, the balance of frustrations throughout the year and the proximity of family conflicts and separations. For some, these aspects become too much to bear.

— In addition to being something common, it is not a clinical condition that we can speak of like this: it is an end-of-year depression — says psychiatrist Arthur Guerra, author of the book “Você gripe ser happy” (Sextante) and columnist for GLOBO. — It’s not a classic depression. What actually exists is the worsening of symptoms or a condition that has already appeared during the year. The person gets angry, has less energy, changes their sleep. She doesn’t identify with this party atmosphere. Everyone is happy, making connections and she is further away.

This isn’t just an effect of rushing to get everything done. “Symbolic encounters,” as psychoanalyst and professor at the USP Institute of Psychology Christian Dunker called them, also play a role. The end of the cycle, favored mainly by Christmas, can spare you your pain. And the tradition of celebrating with family can revive “archaeological” conflicts, as one expert says.

— This passage calls for a kind of approach to our conflicts, our ghosts, our unresolved problems and our debts. Not only with others, but also with ourselves, says Dunker. — This mobilizes rhetoric and ways of looking at life itself. Some will treat it as if it were a business, whether it made a loss or a profit. Others will look at it legally whether you are guilty or innocent. Others will view it from a romance perspective, whether she was loved or not. These assessments are expected, but sometimes they are carried out quite poorly.

Add to this cauldron of emotional challenges the excesses mentioned at the time – such as too much drinking, eating and commitments – and the burden becomes heavier and heavier. The situation is even worse for those who have already had a difficult year and who arrive at the end of the cycle frustrated or exhausted by the events of the last 12 months.

— December brings with it an overload. Family, collective and social demands are increasing. We demand to finish things and in a time where there are many distractions. There is a great feeling of lack of time which leads to a lot of stress — explains Tânia Ferraz, psychiatrist and psychotherapist, director of the Institute of Psychiatry of the USP (IPQ-USP). — People start to eat poorly, in large quantities, to lack physical activity and sleep is also impacted. Added to this are social networks, where everyone posts happy photos, travels, socializes. Even if the reality is not quite the same.

In addition to all the upheavals in habits and schedules, there is an audience that particularly suffers at this stage of the year: the bereaved. Experts point out that the feeling of sadness and incapacity caused by the absence of a loved one on these dates is even more present during the first year of the loss. In other words, the first Christmas hurts more without that special recipe, the hug or the presence of a friend or family member who died during the year.

— Grief is immediate, a few weeks after the loss. There is a prolonged mourning involving these important dates, wedding anniversary, birthday of the person who left and holidays, all these moments of celebration — explains Alaor Carlos de Oliveira Neto, coordinator of the psychiatry department at Oswaldo Cruz Hospital. — Grief is the price we pay for the love and experiences we build throughout our lives.

It is with this in mind that activist Tom Almeida and journalist specializing in palliative care, death and bereavement Juliana Dantas created the “Guide to facing the end of year holidays: information and support for loss and bereavement”. The material is inspired by bereaved people and provides advice, analysis and alternatives for those who will be coping with the absence of a loved one this Christmas.

— We have a path of advice, a path of “authorizations”, of psychoeducation, which is a conversation saying: what you are experiencing is natural. It’s okay, you’re not functioning in a bad way, it’s just this period that’s like that, Tom said.

Juliana says that loss itself is usually not the main topic that requires attention, but also the relationship between those who have been left behind.

— Greater than the pain of grief itself is the pain of feeling that there is no environment to express the feeling that comes from that grief. Whether it’s crying, wailing and isolation. But also less classic things, wanting to rebuild oneself, to travel, it is also an expression in the midst of mourning — he says.

Even though the period is truly difficult, there are warning points that deserve attention, because they indicate that the melancholy experienced in December goes a little deeper than a simple reaction to the specific aspects of this period.

— A warning sign is when we cause suffering to ourselves or those around us. We also need to pay attention to the decline in income from physical activity, difficulties in family relationships, in addition to the feeling that nothing will work, says Guerra. — Finally, the idea that life has no meaning is also disturbing.

Christian Dunker also mentions another aspect:

— A warning sign comes when you start to feel angry at the happiness of others. Or you start by saying, “I’m not going to the party because I hate Christmas, I hate everything. » It’s different from those who say: I prefer to protect myself, I’m in a more introspective moment. In this second case, you are not angry, you do not hate the other’s affection. This is the sign, he said.

Alaor Carlos de Oliveira Neto, coordinator of the psychiatry department at Oswaldo Cruz Hospital, gives advice to anyone facing difficulties at this time of year.

— Leave social networks! Get out of this idealized idea of ​​life and the world, because this is precisely what you are nourished and inundated with daily — he says. — So recognize that there is no such thing, that families and relationships have tensions, that they have problems and that you, like everyone else, are part of a person who has problems, life situations and financial worries.

Finding your own community, beyond family demands, can also be a way out, explains Ilana Pinsky, clinical psychologist and researcher at Rutgers University, in the United States.