Christmas holidays are usually associated with joy, family gatherings and various celebrations. However, for many people, these dates can become a particularly complicated stage from an emotional point of view. Feelings of melancholy or what we call “Christmas depression” (the holiday blues) during the holidays is a more common situation than you think, and it is caused by combination of emotional and social factors.
To the thousand projects that often arrive without looking for them, there is added a great social pressure which seems to force us to “be good” at all costs, which multiply anxiety and sadness in people who have complicated personal situations. In these cases, when the person enters into deep sadness and melancholy, we can accompany them emotionally following the advice of Francisco Hidalgo Díaz, health psychologist and director of Avannza Psicoluciones.
Why do some people feel overwhelmed at Christmas?
As the expert begins by explaining, among the main reasons why some people feel melancholy on these dates, or even deep sadness, “is the social pressure to “be good”. We idealize these holidays because there is a very strong cultural expectation that Christmas should be a time of perfect happiness, peace and family harmony.
In the words of the expert, the truth is that “reality does not always conform to this preconceived ideal established in society, and family discussions and daily problems, this can lead to frustration and sadness. The absence of loved ones and, even more so, unresolved grief are other important reasons for the sadness of “Christmas”. Without a doubt, the Christmas and New Year celebrations painfully highlight the loss of loved ones.
Another reason for this sadness linked to these dates is that “many people make a negative vital balance at the end of the year and, seeing that many of the objectives they set for themselves have not been achieved, they have little desire to celebrate. Unwanted loneliness is another important point, especially among older people who, due to geographic distance, physical mobility, health, the breakdown of a relationship or the loss of loved ones, feel that their personal reality does not correspond to the happiness they see around them or that they have experienced in the past.
Emotional exhaustion accumulates throughout the year
We also cannot forget that these dates generate a lot of stressboth logistical and economic. Organize meals, trips, buy gifts, combine work and school holidays, etc. They can generate considerable anxiety which dampens any sense of celebration.
To this is added the emotional exhaustion accumulated during the year and the implicit obligation to participate in social gatherings for which one does not always have the desire or the energy.
“All of these reasons can intensify emotions already present and generate a feeling of misalignment with what we are supposed to feel. This is why Christmas acts as an emotional amplifier: “If a person suffers from sadness, loneliness or discomfort, it is easy for everything to be experienced with more intensity on these dates.”
How can we help them feel better?
As the psychologist explains, “You don’t always have to cheer yourself up or look for quick solutions.. In many cases, what is most helpful is allowing the person to feel what they are feeling, validating their emotions, and respecting their pace without judgment or minimization. » What is appropriate to do and say?
Listen without interrupting or correcting your emotions. Hidalgo adds that “we must validate the emotions of this person who does not experience the holidays with joy, and recognize that their pain is real. Phrases like “I understand that this year is difficult for you”, or “it’s normal not to feel happy on these dates”, are much more useful than “cheer up, it’s Christmas” or “you need to cheer up”. What is very important in this case is that “you do not always have to propose or seek solutions; it’s best to simply offer your presence and let the other person know you’re there in case they want to talk,” warns the expert.
Another way to make that person who is having a bad time at Christmas feel better is “invite him to celebrate Christmas with you, but without forcing nor force any situation. Tell him that you respect his decision if he prefers to stay at home in peace or solitude. We can also offer simple and flexible alternative plans. There are other activities you can do together that aren’t directly related to Christmas: an afternoon at the cinema, a walk and a coffee will allow you to enjoy together without the ‘festive’ pressure of people being so focused on Christmas.”
Listen without judging and leave space
In short, what the expert wants to clarify is that “it is important to remember that not everyone experiences Christmas in the same way, that It’s not fair to force them to do what “everyone else does”, and feeling sad or overwhelmed at that moment doesn’t mean anything is wrong at all.
Sometimes the greatest support we can offer is listen without trying to change what the other person feels, respect their need for space or companionship and normalize the fact that they don’t always want to party. “Christmas should not be an emotional obligation, but a time that everyone can experience in their own way, with understanding and care for themselves and others.”
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