Training the way we breathe, so that when episodes of severe anxiety or stress arrive, we are able to redirect our emotions It is something that more and more people are practicing, aware that body and mind are closely linked. However, not everything that is considered good is actually good, and it is important to follow expert advice to put it into practice.
We spoke with Sonia Díaz Rois, expert anger management coach, who puts us in front of the mirror of reality, affirming that “rapid breathing techniques to calm anger or irritability in a specific momentthey fail precisely when they are most needed, that is, in the middle of the high period.“. So what can we do in these extreme cases to preserve our physical and mental health?
“It’s not your fault it doesn’t work, it’s just that you’re doing the opposite.”
To begin to understand how conscious breathing works, and when it can really be useful, the coach explains that “there is something that a lot of people say to me in consultation: ‘Sonia, this breathing when I get nervous doesn’t work. I breathe, I exhale, I concentrate… and I stay the same. Well, know that it is completely normal for this to happen. »
What is the expert referring to? Why try to let your breathing calm you when you’re already climbing the wall? It’s like trying to learn to swim while you’re drowning.. Now is not the time. And it’s not your fault: you’re doing the opposite. “You can know all the techniques in the world – 4-7-8 breathing, square breathing, alternate breathing, even breathing – but if you don’t practice when you’re good, forget to work when you’re bad.”
So, the expert and author of the book “What if I get angry? explains that The nervous system does not react the same way in calm and in an emotional peak. When the person is irritated or goes into fight/flight mode, the body activates to protect itself, not to relax: this is why breathing has no effect if you use it for the first time during a high. The body does not recognize this signal,” he explains.
This is what works in a borderline state of irritation
For conscious breathing to help us control seemingly uncontrollable situations, Díaz believes the first thing is to “practice conscious breathing in calm moments. For this to work, the body needs associate this type of breathing with a feeling of security. And this anchorage is worth gold. “When the seizure occurs, your body recognizes the pattern and slows down much more quickly.”
A second tip refers to the calming two-for-one: Breathe and count at the same time. In his words, “counting brings the nervous system out of fight/flight mode and calms it down (even if it’s just a little bit) this thought goes a long way. You breathe, count and, without realizing it, you find clarity. “It’s simple and it works.”
To end with her most effective advice, the coach talks about exhale twice as much as you inhale. “The nervous system reacts sooner and calms down more quickly if you exhale twice as long as you inhale. Prolonged exhalation activates the parasympathetic nervous system, responsible for calm. Hence the effectiveness of the 4-7-8 method: you inhale for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 7 and exhale for a count of 8. It’s not magic, it’s physiology,” he emphasizes. And adds an important detail; try to let your breath reach the navel (diaphragmatic or abdominal breathing).
“Breathing to calm yourself works best when you practice it calmly”
According to Díaz Rois, difficulty regulating emotional activation not only affects the person who suffers from it, but also the entire environment. “When you don’t know how to lower the revs, everything gets complicated: how you respond, how you interpret what people say to you, even how you talk to yourself changes… for the worse! “You don’t just manage an emotion: you manage the emotional climate of your relationships.”
In her daily work with people who get angry more quickly than they would like, the coach admits to observing a common pattern that repeats itself: a lot of theory, little practice, especially in moments when the body is still receptive. “Breathing to calm down works best when you do it calmly. If you’re trying it for the first time in the middle of a high, it’s normal that it won’t help. The body must recognize that breathing is a signal that “I am okay.”“, he said.
But perhaps one of Rois’ most interesting approaches is that, far from advising us of this hackneyed thing of “breathe and count to 10”, she makes a much more realistic alternative: “We must listen to the anger before trying to calm it. The reason is that if anger could speak, it would say: I don’t want you to calm me down, I want you to listen to me and understand me. When we hear it, we no longer need to shout,” concludes the expert.
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