What male discomfort reveals in the face of violence against women | Career

In the book “Notes on Being a Man” (not yet published in Brazil), the author Scott Galloway says that “being a good father means being good to the mother of his children.” This would be obvious and would spare many children suffering (and their harmful consequences), without the psychodynamics that have organized relationships between men and women for centuries. Based on his experiences as a child, the difficulties linked to the separation of his parents, the inability to earn money, feelings of anger and depression, Galloway shows that spaces of violence shelter, in some way, the suffering of men.

Although psychoanalysis has been forgotten in recent times, it is worth recalling the classic concept of Freudwho defined the psychological development of women based on the concept of “lack”: the lack of power in the male reproductive system, a concept obviously called into question by feminist psychoanalysts. Even more forgotten is the North American psychoanalyst, Karen Horney, who created the concept of “womb envy”. Contrary to the Freudian model, Horney shows that many female biological functions such as pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding are sources of male anxiety. And, to compensate for this “lack”, resentment and the devaluation of female roles arise. Much like Freudian theory, the theory of Horney and his affiliates has also been challenged, as it relies on binary and biologically deterministic norms, in which women are associated only with motherhood.

Faced with the symbolic power of motherhood, some studies use Horney to explain resentment toward women and misogyny among some men. To overcome the impossibility of pregnancy, men create different dynamics of superiority in other spheres of power. And, unable to stand out in these areas, they may blame women, as well as children when they trip and violently push the chair that was in their way, without thinking about their own lack of attention while walking.

I take the risk of bringing these concepts to address the complexity of the theme which arises from life trajectories and memories which are not always conscious, but active in the construction of masculinity and femininity, as Galloway shows in his life story. Although life is not entirely generated in laboratories, humans will always have some father and mother they remember from a happy childhood and others less so.

In addition to psychodynamic issues, the social context matters. Depending on the psychosocial context and family structure, these impulses can manifest themselves. And, htoday, the socio-economic context is not favorable to the establishment of relationships of trust, directly impacting romantic relationships. The Economist recently showed the increase in the condition of celibacy and, consequently, the reorganization of human relationships, without marriage as the basis of the social structure. This is a gigantic change in morals, impacting the social organization that guided the last century.

The discomfort felt by men seems to have intensified with the progression of women who, currently, have advanced in number of years of schooling. On the one hand, female power is increasing and, on the other, as I wrote in another article some time ago, masculine ideals of success are becoming more and more inaccessible, with the profound changes in global economic systems. There is no room for everyone to occupy positions of power and the model of an always upward career path no longer exists. Young people no longer find open doors to evolve within an organized system which necessarily favors good remuneration. On the contrary, today it is everyone for themselves, in increasingly unequal social systems. Identity based solely on work disappears and men find themselves without a skeleton to support them, while women, despite the obstacles they encounter at work, rely on other sources of identity. Love and work, which for Freud were the basis of a dignified life, seem to no longer exist.

None of these interpretations, however, justifies the atrocities committed; these are only considerations on the complexity of this phenomenon which is expressed on a global scale. Civility is built on a daily basis, in small everyday gestures. At the end of this year, as at the end of every year, I hope that we can live with difference, with the Other, without this being a source of conflict and violence.