Alicia keeps looking at the door as she enters the bar. It’s been happening for three years. Today he is 28 years old and lives in Madrid, but in 2022, a Tinder date left him with a wound that still cannot heal. sometimes, … She says she still wakes up “and feels someone breathing behind her.” When she talks about the man who attacked her, her voice cracks, almost the same day she agreed to meet that profile in her photos, He seemed so confident, so attractive, so perfect..
“He told me he wanted the first date to be different, more intense, more sensual. Which In the dark, the senses are heightened“, he remembered. The man suggested meeting him in a small studio where he set up ephemeral art installations. There, he emphasized, he could create an intimate experience “where corpses speak without being seen doing it.” Alicia, who met many men on the app who simply asked “how are you” or “what are you looking for,” felt there was something special about it.
The room was completely dark. No dim light, no shadows: total darkness. “I couldn’t even see my hand,” he explains. At first I thought it was an exciting game. But she soon noticed that he was moving with a certainty that was impossible for someone who was not very accustomed to that space. He also noticed that the voice did not match the voice of the man in the photos. “I felt something strange, but I stopped myself. I wanted to leave, but he wouldn’t let me. That’s when he abused me».
Alicia was one of the victims of a “Tinder Ghost”, a man who used photos stolen from other males’ profiles and who arranged to meet them in completely dark places. To hide a chronic skin disease Which affected his face and, above all, avoided recognition. He ended up being arrested after raping one woman and assaulting nine others. “After that I stopped using dating apps. i couldn’t. “It took me months to fall asleep again without a light on,” Alicia says now.
He stresses that the consequences are not only sexual or emotional: “I’m afraid I’ll make a mistake again.” He says: No one explains to you what is behind the “match” There may also be a predator. “I thought flirting this way was more comfortable, faster and safer because you always knew who you were talking to…and it turned out to be the opposite.”
Dangerous scenario
Alicia is not an isolated case. Not even exceptional. In the 21st century, flirting has become a massive activity and, at the same time, more risky than ever before. According to GfK DAM data (2025), dating apps are already on the rise in Spain 4.7 million monthly users25% are women, an increase of 17% over the previous year. 12% of Internet users access it regularly and spend an average of 3 hours and 31 minutes per month swiping, chatting, or meeting strangers.
Tinder remains the most popular, but Badoo, Grindr and Bumble are strengthening their presence. The industry grows, becomes normalized and integrates into everyday life. However, as its use increases, the risks associated with it increase. With an appearance of comfort and modernity, these platforms are fertile ground for Fake profiles, scammers and sex offenders And as various police investigations warn, even criminal networks.
What used to be a window to finding love or having a good time has turned into a game of digital Russian roulette. Uncertainty increases when getting to know someone does not require a physical environment, group of friends, references, or context. Just a few pictures and some well-chosen phrases.
The “Apps Without Violence” report, prepared by the Federation of Young Women in 2023 with funding from the Ministry of Equality and based on nearly a thousand surveys, concludes that 57.9% of women felt pressured to have sexual relations with men they met after making a “match”. next to, 22% claim to have been raped on a date arranged through these requests. In addition, 30% stated that their partner continued to have sex despite his expression of discomfort and request to stop.
Some companies seem to have noticed this situation. For example, Tinder will implement a mandatory face verification system starting in December: every new user will have to record a short video to prove that they are a real person and that their face matches the profile photos. “The goal is to reduce the creation of fake accounts and improve security,” they told ABC of Tinder.
For psychologist Laura Bennett, these numbers reflect a reality that has been brewing for years: “Apps have doubled opportunities for interaction, but they have also speeded up times and reduced the pauses needed to detect red flags.” According to her, there is additional pressure on young women: “They feel forced to be outgoing, fun, and prepared. When they say no to something, they fear they will be seen as boring or cold. This dynamic favors manipulation».
Bennett warns that digital immediacy creates a climate that flouts boundaries: “When someone is used to a sexual conversation that comes up two minutes after they start talking, Tends to believe that consent is already implied. This is very dangerous. In her practice, she sees more and more cases of women who feel guilty, anxious or afraid after appointments arranged online: “The sequence is always the same: they thought it was safe because the app gave the illusion of control.”
“When you get used to a sexual conversation that comes up after two minutes, you tend to think that consent is already implied.”
Lara was 24 years old when she decided to download Badoo. He did it out of curiosity, “to try,” he says. He only had one “match”: a Moroccan boy in his thirties Fitness described as “advertising”. After exchanging messages for a few days, he suggested we meet up. He said he worked at Polygon in Sabadell, and that he could pick her up when he got off his shift, after midnight.
“He didn’t suit me very well, but he was very nice and very persuasive,” he explains. In 2023, Lara went to the agreed upon location, an open field between industrial warehouses. It was cold, so he decided to wait inside a small bar that was still open. “This is what saved me”And he confirms.
While drinking hot coffee, he saw through the window how a white truck stopped at the point where they met. The boy he spoke to got out of the car. At that moment, his cell phone started to vibrate. “He wrote to me: Where are you?” Then call me. I didn’t answer. Something told me not to go out“,” she remembered. After a few seconds, three more men emerged from the back of the truck. She felt her stomach turn. “My blood ran cold. “I called my father and asked him to come get me, no questions asked.”
Two days later, he turned on the television and saw the Mossos d’Esquadra defusing a bomb. Women trafficking network in Sabadell. Among the detainees was the boy with whom he had a “match.” Features fit: Night worker interface, same area, same truck.
“Since then I haven’t used any app. “My hands are shaking just thinking about it,” he admits. The experience left her with a mixture of fear and mistrust. “I couldn’t help but think I was minutes away from disappearing. “If I hadn’t been in that bar, I would have been in that truck.”
For Javier Monteagudo, a psychologist and expert in digital addiction and behavior, these types of experiences can leave a profound psychological impact. “The damage does not have to be complete for post-traumatic stress to appear. The perception of real danger, the feeling of being trapped or deceived, actually leaves a lasting mark.
Invisible consequences
According to Monteagudo, dating apps generate an emotional paradox: “On the one hand, they provide instant connection and validation; On the other hand, they expose themselves to enormous vulnerabilities. This combination can lead to anxiety, isolation, social avoidance or feelings of guilt, he says. “Many victims blame themselves for their trust, when the problem is not trust, but the absence of protection mechanisms.”
The specialist explains that constant exposure to unknown profiles It can reduce risks“When you meet several people a month that you don’t know at all, your mind stops acting wisely. “This makes it easier for you to normalize signals that would, in another context, set off all the alarms.”
Adrian, 32, also never imagined that a night of chatting on Grindr would turn into an economic and emotional nightmare. She met a boy who seemed close and kind and With whom he immediately felt chemistry. “We laugh a lot. “It was very natural,” he recalls. After a few days of talking, he suggested upping the conversation and switching to a video call. Before Adrian.
During the call, they ended up having an explicit sexual encounter. “I trusted him. “He seemed like a normal person,” he explains. But the next day, he received a message from another account. It was a screenshot of the video call. The text was clear: Either you pay, or we send this to your family, friends, and business.
Adrien felt like the world was collapsing on him. He tried to think, but on the other side there were only threats. “They asked for 1,500 euros first. Then 2,500 more. If I didn’t pay, they said they would post the video». In total, he transferred €4,000 before cutting off contact and going to the police. “I felt stupid, like what I did was my fault,” he explains. Monteagudo warns that this type of blackmail generates special trauma: “Unlike physical assault, here the person feels that he or she has unwittingly cooperated with the attacker. This feeling of shame is devastating.”
For sociologist Iñigo Varela, who specializes in the LGBTBI community, “Grindr was, for many gay men, a safe space in which they could explore their sexuality away from external judgements. “It was a refuge, especially for young people or for those living in environments where they could not show themselves openly.” However, he admits that This perception no longer corresponds to reality. “The lack of verification, almost complete anonymity, and the speed at which meetings are arranged encourages abusers or criminal profiles to use apps as a hunting ground. Society has become more distrustful, but the danger remains.
In recent years on Grindr, there have been several cases of attacks and, in Spain, even murders committed after dates arranged on the platform. For example, Julian Ovejero killed a young man with 40 stab wounds in Carabanchel in 2018, while Nelson David MP killed five men before turning himself in to police in 2022.
Digital dating
The increase in crimes linked to these platforms represents an urgent challenge. For Bennett, the key is “Educate in consentin the limits and in detecting danger signals from an early age. Varela insists that platforms need to play a more active role: “It is not enough to specify terms of use. Tech companies have tools to detect suspicious patterns, duplicate profiles, bot accounts, or risky behavior. “They have to apply it before the victim occurs, not after the victim occurs.”
Monteagudo, for example, believes that Tinder’s action is a step in the right direction, but warns that it is not enough: “The problem is not just who is on the other side, but what expectations these apps generate and what personal vulnerabilities they amplify.”