Am I boring? What my behavior says about me

When we go into a meeting with unjustified negative expectations, we may miss out on an interesting conversation, while a more open mind can lead to a blossoming friendship.

The research also offers some tips for improving our first impression of ourselves.

Van Tilburg’s research is based on more than two decades of scientific interest in people’s boring experiences.

She has shown that this is one of our most torturous experiences and has profound and surprising effects on our behavior.

In 2014, for example, researchers at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville in the US asked study participants to spend 15 minutes in a sparsely furnished room.

Participants were without their cell phones, computers and reading materials, but there was a device that gave a small electric shock to anyone who pressed a button.

Despite the obvious pain caused by the device, 18 of the 42 participants decided to try it at least once to break the boredom. It seemed that any stimulus, even intentional physical discomfort, was better than not interacting with the environment at all.

You might wonder if this reaction is specific to the experimental environment, but it has been replicated in other situations.

In a subsequent study, participants were forced to watch a monotonous movie that showed the same 85-second scene, repeated for an hour — and many participants chose to play with a device that generated an uncomfortable electric shock when given the opportunity.

These behaviors may seem strange. But, according to James Dankert, a professor of cognitive neuroscience at the University of Waterloo in Canada, these studies show just how powerful boredom is in forcing us to seek new stimuli — which can have enormous beneficial effects on our daily lives.

According to him, throughout our lives we constantly need to choose between exhausting the current situation or exploring other opportunities. After adopting the same behavior for a long time without the corresponding reward, boredom forces us to change activities, so that we do not remain stuck in that routine.

Danckert’s research shows that feelings of boredom become especially troublesome when we are reminded of other potential sources of stimulation we could explore.

People find it more difficult, for example, to sit in a room doing nothing if they are looking at an unfinished puzzle or a table with Legos without getting permission to touch it.

This may explain why we can’t stand being with a boring person at a party amidst the lively conversations around us.

While we are forced to hear the finer details of a new acquaintance’s job, we miss the opportunity to establish deeper social connections with someone who may be a better fit for our personality.

Psychologically, we recognize the “opportunity cost” of that conversation.

The pain of boredom naturally causes us to avoid unrewarding interactions.

It turns out that unfortunately, humans have a disturbing tendency to unfairly prejudge people based on incomplete information. So we often decide that someone is boring before they even have a chance to interest us.

In a series of studies published in early 2022, Van Tilburg set out to identify the characteristics that activate this stereotype. These findings may give us reason to think when we realize that we are prejudging someone’s character.

Collaborating with Eric Igoe of the University of Limerick in Ireland and Meher Panjwani of the London School of Economics and Politics, Van Tilburg began by asking a group of 115 US residents to describe qualities typically associated with boring people.

From these initial answers, the team created lists of 45 personality traits, 28 occupations, and 19 hobbies.

The researchers then asked another group of more than 300 people to rate each of the listed items on a scale from 1 (not boring) to 7 (extremely boring). The results were very revealing.

Participants in Van Tilburg’s study indicated that typists, accountants, and tax inspectors were considered the most boring professionals. Hobbies considered boring include going to church, watching TV, and sleeping.

In terms of personality, boring people were considered to be limited to a small group of topics that interested them, people who did not have a sense of humor or have strong opinions on any topic.

Boring people were also thought to be people who complained excessively, complaining about everything.

The team also wanted to understand the consequences of these stereotypes, including their potential to create social isolation. To do this, they created several scenarios based on characteristics investigated in previous studies.

One such scenario was a description of the character Brian, who worked as a clerk in an accounting firm and whose main hobby was watching television – a depiction that coincided perfectly with the boring stereotype.

On the other hand, there was Paul, a fictional artist who works for a local newspaper, and enjoys running, reading, and gardening, in a mix of personal details that are generally much less boring.

The team then asked participants how much they would like to meet each character and whether they would try to avoid meeting or talking to them. He even asked how much money participants would need to have to spend a week of their lives with this person.

As expected, characters who met the criteria for a boring stereotype were not treated kindly.

In general, people were less willing to meet Brian than Paul. To compensate for boredom over a long period of time, participants responded that they would need about three times that amount.

“They really wanted compensation for staying with these people, which suggests there is some kind of psychological cost,” says Van Tilburg.

If you consider studies showing that people prefer pain to boredom, it stands to reason that you need some reward to make it worth the discomfort and all the other, more interesting experiences you might be missing out on.

We can all learn from this research.

Your thoughtless assumption that people with certain professions or hobbies are inherently boring may prevent you from forming deep, meaningful connections.

And if you are looking for a partner, your biases may prevent you from meeting someone who could be the love of your life.

You can find attention and friendship in places you least expect it, simply by being more open.

Van Tilburg’s research is even worse if you yourself fall into one of these situations by chance.

But fortunately, he has some tips that can help potential daters avoid harsh judgments.

The first guideline is to examine whether you can redefine your job description.

At first glance, a data analyst may seem like a boring profession – but perhaps it contributes to a larger effort, such as scientific research.

In general, scientists are much less boring than those who work with data. Therefore, focusing on the scientific element in your work can help you remove people’s prejudices.

If this is not possible, you can open up about your private life. Remember that boring people are generally considered people with closed minds and few emotions.

Almost everyone loves television, and if you list television as your only hobby, you will definitely look like a normal person.

What are your most specific interests? Activities such as gardening, writing, fishing, and sewing are considered relatively positive.

The more examples you give, the greater the chance of finding something in common with the other person. “I think it’s important to show a range of activities,” says Van Tilburg.

Finally, you can study the art of conversation. Topics like your job or hobbies won’t matter much if you can’t create a meaningful dialogue.

“Boring people talk a lot, but they don’t have much to say,” says Van Tilburg.

Feel free to express your own opinions, but also be sure to give the other person the same opportunity to express themselves – and ask lots of questions to bring out the other person’s inner self. Over time, your new acquaintance will be able to forget all his prejudices.

If none of this works, don’t take it personally. Van Tilburg points out that people are more likely to apply negative stereotypes to others when they feel threatened.

By unfairly judging you for your work or hobbies, the person may be hiding his or her insecurities.

Boring, like beauty, exists in the mind of the beholder.

* David Robson is an award-winning science writer and author of The Expectation Effect: How Your Thinking Can Change Your Life, published in early 2022 in the UK by Canongate, and in the US by Henry Holt.

This text was originally published on May 6, 2022.