Life is a journey of setbacks, whether due to the end of a relationship, health problems, job loss or any other major change that generates stress. We all face unexpected ups and downs, from the biggest daily challenge to the most impactful traumatic events, like the death of a loved one or a serious illness, and they can all test our limits.
Each of these changes affects us differently and represents a unique torrent of thoughts, emotions, or uncertainty. What is more important is how we respond to these inevitable challenges. In most cases, we adapt well to situations that change our lives over time, thanks in part to flexibility. Clinical psychologist Clara Cañas Iglesias explains how it helps us cope with problems and recover from setbacks and gives us clues on how to work on them.
The adaptive power of flexibility
Why does one person accept hard times while another crumbles? “Resilience is people’s ability to confront, adapt to, and recover from adverse situations, such as severe stress or traumatic experiences,” explains Kanias. We can confirm that people who remain calm in the face of adversity have strong resilience. A resilient person has strong coping skills and organizes available resources, asks for help when needed, and finds ways to manage the situation they face.
To understand it better, we can create an analogy of what this word means in agronomy: we are talking about the ability of the soil to regenerate after a flood or fire, that is, it is the plants and animals that recover, but in a different way than before. Something similar happens in people: it is our ability to recover after a trauma or life challenge.
But, as the expert explains, “being resilient does not mean not suffering, but rather adapting and moving forward despite difficult times.” Instead of falling into despair or hiding from problems through unhealthy coping strategies, resilient people face the problem head-on. They not only survive difficult situations, but they manage and absorb them in a healthier way.
Resilience is not a special quality found in a person, but rather something that arises through a person’s interaction with other factors. “This ability arises from a combination of different personal and social factors that help maintain emotional balance. Thanks to this, resilience is an essential component of psychological well-being and mental health, which is why it helps us to face situations in a better way, and thus live better,” explains Kanias.
When we learn from changes without denying reality
Resilient people look for ways to solve the situation or at least improve it. They don’t usually spend their energy repeating why a problem is difficult or unfair, but instead direct their mental and emotional energy into finding solutions. “A resilient person is someone who, in the face of adversity, is able to adapt, learn and emerge from difficult experiences stronger,” Kanias explains. “This does not mean that they do not suffer, as mentioned earlier, but that they find a way to move forward and give positive meaning to what they have been through.”
What does a resilient person have? Without a doubt, according to the expert, “her strength is based on several traits and skills: she knows how to regulate her emotions, maintain positive self-esteem, and finds meaning in what she has experienced, even in moments of pain.” But in addition, thanks to his counseling experience, he was able to verify that they are “perseverant, empathetic and confident people with secure emotional connections and support networks that enhance their well-being.”
This ability to solve problems and learn from changes does not distance them from reality, nor does it lead them to deny it. As Kanias explains, a resilient person is characterized by having the following skills:
- Good self-knowledge thanks to which you can understand your emotions, limits and strengths.
- Cognitive flexibility, which allows you to reinterpret situations and adapt to change.
- The value of social support. These people are not alone, they seek and accept social support when they need it.
- A sense of purpose that gives them direction and motivation.
Although in some cases it may give the impression that the person lives out of touch with reality or only sees the good side of things, nothing goes beyond that. “People don’t experience everything positively; they also feel pain, sadness, or frustration, but they don’t stay trapped in those feelings,” Kanias explains. What empowers these types of people is that they recognize, process, and learn from suffering.
In short, the expert concludes that a resilient person “combines independence, empathy, perseverance and self-confidence, and is able to regulate emotions, solve problems and maintain safe relationships.”
Build resilience
Resilience is not a quality or trait you are born with. Rather, it is a set of skills that can be developed through repetition of certain behaviors. Resilience, says Kanias, “is not an innate quality, but rather an ability that is trained through experience and personal work.”
It is important to note that resilience requires a set of skills that can be worked on and developed over time. It is not just a fixed characteristic, but rather we are facing a process that develops and strengthens throughout life. Building resilience takes time, strength, and help. “Working on resilience involves strengthening mental health, social and emotional skills, and resilience in the face of adversity,” explains Kanias.
It doesn’t matter if we’re young or old, we can foster resilience at any stage of life. like? For Kanias, the first and fundamental thing is self-knowledge and self-confidence, which helps us “to recognize our inner resources, our limits and our achievements.” Another key aspect is “reframing negative thoughts, replacing catastrophic interpretations with more realistic and balanced interpretations,” says Kanias. It is the combination of all these cognitive skills that allows us to “face difficulties with a more constructive perspective.”
The work to become more resilient doesn’t end here. Another basic pillar, according to the specialist, is emotional self-regulation, that is, learning how to deal with stress, frustration, or fear. “In clinical practice, techniques such as Mindfulness“Mindful breathing, therapeutic journaling or progressive relaxation, which helps improve self-control and reduce emotional reactivity,” says Kanias.
We have already seen that one of the qualities of a resilient person is the value of sociability. Therefore, if we want to work on it, we must recognize the need to “foster strong emotional relationships, with family or friends, because having a support network acts as a protective factor against adversity,” explains Kanias.
All of this would be of no use if we did not work to find meaning in what we went through, “to integrate painful experiences and turn them into learning opportunities. This search for purpose and meaning facilitates the rebuilding of character after trauma or loss,” says Kanias.
“Resilience does not replace mental health, but supports it: it teaches us that it is not about not falling, but about learning how to get up wiser and stronger each time,” Kanias concludes.