Marriage phobia—an intense fear of marriage or serious relationships—can turn promising relationships into areas of tension and uncertainty. According to psychologist and couples guide Ana Paula Nascimento and psychoanalyst Silvia Oliveira, this is a deep emotional performance that goes beyond the simple fear of having a relationship.
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Ana Paula explains that gynophobia manifests itself through repetitive patterns. The person avoids talking about the future, alternates between getting close and distant, avoids “defining the relationship,” and may even create conflicts to prevent the story from progressing. “It’s inconsistent behavior: one moment he’s present, the next he’s emotionally gone,” he says.
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These cycles weaken the relationship and create insecurity. He adds: “The partner may feel rejected, confused, and undervalued, and suffer from a kind of loneliness as a couple.”
Marophobia can be linked to past negative experiences, insecurity, or fear of losing freedom or responsibility
The root of fear: pain, loss, and broken bonds
Sylvia explains that marriage phobia is generally based on strong emotional experiences: such as abandonment, humiliation, painful breakups, or destructive models of love. “It’s not about freshness or immaturity. It’s a psychological defense created to avoid experiencing unbearable pain,” he highlights.
Fear takes over and causes intense anxiety, emotional destructiveness, and difficulty maintaining stable connections. The person even wants to have a relationship, but the emotional risk seems too great.
Impact on routine and emotional health
Experts point out that this pattern is in direct conflict with daily life. There are short relationships, connections that start strong and end suddenly, and frequent choices made by unavailable people.
According to Sylvia, this fuels feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, depressive symptoms and a feeling of loneliness that cannot be resolved with company. “On the outside, there may be a rhetoric that ‘no one is ever good.’ And on the inside, there is a legitimate desire to meet.”
Psychological support and support from people close to you is crucial to the healing process.
How can couples deal with marriage phobia
For Ana Paula, the first step is creating a safe environment. Pressure, comparisons, or hurried demands tend to increase fear. “It takes honest dialogue, patience, and making small progress. Commitment doesn’t have to be a leap; it can be a cakewalk.”
She highlights that couples therapy helps regulate expectations, set clear boundaries, and build a space of trust for both partners to express their needs.
Sylvia confirms that psychoanalytic therapy gives the individual the opportunity to understand his repetitions, separate love from dependency or control, and regain emotional independence. “The goal is for fear to stop making decisions on its own,” he says.
The non-gynophobic partner needs to be patient and validate the other’s feelings, recognizing that the fear is real, even if it is irrational.
A possible – and accurate – route
Dealing with marriage phobia requires time, acceptance, and emotional responsibility. With mutual understanding and professional support, it is possible to transform fear into self-knowledge and allow the bond to stop being a source of pain and become a space for growth and joint building.