Apologizing after a mistake is a sign of strength, not weakness. Saying “I’m sorry” is like a big step because someone realizes they did something wrong and will make amends in some way. Parents try to teach this to their children but often fail.
Javier de Haro, a psychologist specializing in parenting and family development and who can be followed on his Instagram page, highlights in a video on his social networks the importance of the example of adults in the emotional education of children. “One of the reasons children don’t apologize is because we aren’t teaching them anything“, he states.
As he explains, one of the main reasons that minors do not learn to ask for forgiveness is that parents do not always show consistency between what they say and what they do.
He clarifies that teaching apologizing doesn’t involve hitting children with the typical phrase, “What’s being said?” to force them to do so, but rather to see adults accept their own mistakes.
Child psychologist Javier de Haro also assures that children understand much more when they witness a sincere apology between adults or when a parent admits to having lost their temper for no reason.
“It is not coherent to tell them to apologize when what they observe from us is exactly the opposite: scream, be disrespectful, “explode” and justify it or just leave it as if nothing happened,” he says.
The expert emphasizes that real learning begins with the attitude of parents. “The first step for them to learn to apologize and feel it from the heart is in ourselves, in our example, in our attitude.” In this way, he emphasizes the need to take responsibility so that children understand that forgiveness is not required but is shown through actions.
Psychologist Javier de Haro also warns that “sorry” makes no sense if it is not accompanied by a change in behavior. “Forgiveness isn’t said, it’s done,” he remembers. In his opinion, there is no point in apologizing if the same behavior is repeated later. Therefore, it is important to think about what was done wrong and what can be done differently next time to avoid harm and a new apology.
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